Me Me Me

My precious trainer called me “surly” tonight, and I was a tad peeved. He was giving me a backhanded compliment in noting that I had been cordial when the gym manager came over to engage us in chitchat. (I hate interruptions during the hour I spend with my PT.) “You weren’t at all surly,” he said, in the tone I used when praising my preschool children for sharing or being patient. “You were very pleasant.” Hey! I’m plenty pleasant a huge percentage of the time!

The fact is, girls are raised to be people pleasers, and boys are raised to do whatever the hell they want. Do you think most men worry about whether their co-workers like them? They do NOT. Women, on the other hand, attach a huge percentage of our self-worth to other people’s approval and whether everybody ELSE on earth is happy. Our own happiness? It’s hard to make time for that.

The best thing about getting older is that you care less and less about other people’s affirmation. You know whether your work is good, whether you’ve done your best and whether you enjoy someone’s company. It’s easier to cut through life’s nonsense and concentrate on people and activities that really mean something to you. You can be pleasant (not surly!!) because it feels good, not because you crave a pat on the head.